C2E2
A couple of weeks ago was C2E2 (Chicago Comic Con and Entertainment Expo). I was going to go for just an afternoon since I’m not all that big into comics anymore… who has the time for that? The last series I read was Y: The Last Man.
A day to wander around the show room and just geek out for a bit should be enough, right? That’s what I thought until I looked at the panel line up. A few video game panels including one with Coach Tony’s son, Taylor. Did I forget to mention that my Kung Fu coach is Kung Lao (Mortal Kombat 2 and 3) and his son is Kung Lao in the 2011 version? They are both awesome. And oddly it means the gym is filled with nerds. EKF!!!
My plan was to go by myself. Whenever I go to cons with other people, I don’t meet anyone new and I spend far too much of my time coordinating schedules and finding people. This time around I was going to do whatever I wanted and not care about what other people thought of it. Best decision ever. I met so many different people. Had all sorts of different conversations. Comics/art/games/kung fu/school/Buddhism/coding/tech/tattoos/etc. It was bloody brilliant.
Friday:
I spent a good portion of my day just wandering around the show room. What I really mean by that is artist alley. Everything else was just kind of… meh. Like I said, I don’t really read comics anymore. I sometimes flirt with getting back into it, but I don’t know where I’d find the time. I’m already stretched pretty thin. Plus I always read trades and I didn’t see many of them for sale, in my really brief walk through. The tees were over priced and only 1 thing jumped out at me… something about gamer girls not being suitable for normal guys. However it was only available in girl sizes where even the large cut off circulation in the arms for someone who’s done martial arts for 27 years.
What I think is hilarious is that I never once ran into the guys from EKF. How did I miss 5 guys walking around with wushu weapons?
I had a blast in artist’s alley. Where else can you have an in depth conversation about xkcd with artists? I was constantly getting stopped about my tattoos, my xkcd tee (I’m not slacking off, my code is compiling), and the more shocking to me the Buddhist beads I wear. The thing about wandering about alone, you are far more approachable. I think in a few short hours, I filled my talking to people quota. Plus I got to look at awesome art.
The Geek Girl and the Artist: Women’s Perspectives on Geek Culture, Gender Identity and Art/Media:
The only panel I went to on Friday. I’m really going to try and not get all angry feminist on this blog, so bear with me. There are real issues with girls and sexism in geekdom and it was nice to see this panel available. Plus the amount of turnout of the male gender. A lot of points got brought up, but I think it might have been glossed over a bit. Meaning the panelists were a bit too far on the positive side.
For instance, one said that being a geek helped her fit in with her co-workers in her techy job. But I don’t remember anything mentioned that as women we have to prove that we aren’t a fake geek, especially more now thanks to hipsters. They do exist, I’ve met several, and all have been hipsters. Being someone who gets confused as a hipster (black rim glasses, tattoos, piercings, nerdy tees, cycling, and crazy hair), I do actually end up spending quite a bit of time justifying my reasons for being a nerd (seriously?) and ya know.. proving my history of it. For the record, I don’t like apple products, I’m not opinionated about music, I don’t go out much and every hipster I’ve met I’ve found pretty douchy.
I think they also barely touched on the overly sexualized nature of geekdom and the sexual harassment we do have to endure. Especially in video games. You know because we are all fat, ugly or slutty.
On a logical standpoint, I completely understand why they tried to keep it positive. 1. It scares off women who are trying out geekdom to see if they like it. Keeping it positive, mitigates that hesitation. 2. Whenever a woman starts talking about these kinds of issues, we get labeled overreacting and feminist. Proof? Read the comments on this ars post. Constantly undermining our viewpoint based on being an over-sensitive female, sadly makes us second guess ourselves. Or at least hesitate when talking about it.
I tried. I really did.
The free shuttle stopped at 8pm but my panel didn’t get out until 8:30. Boo! So I split a cab to the loop with a bunch of strangers, who turned out to be very interesting and we went out for burritos and beer. Oh that was so needed.
Saturday:
Bringing Video Games to Life: The Men Behind the Motion
Really huge turn out for this. It was really weird watching guys I’ve seen fall on their face in class demo on stage in front of a crowd. Wushu: if don’t fall or hit yourself with your weapon, you aren’t trying hard enough. Just watch the vids I took.
After that I ran around with the ekf people until my next panel…
Behind the Graphics: a Video Game Industry Round Table
The majority of the talk was interesting. They had a programmer, technical artist, art director, animator and a programmer/everything else really indie guy. For the most part it was pretty basic things of who they are, where they work, and how they got into the industry.
The thing that really struck a chord with me was when 2 of them stressed pretty heavily how you have to be the best of the best in order to get a job. I understand how you’d be able to tell the difference with say artists, but how exactly do you gauge that with programming? How about technical artist? The more I learn about the role of a technical artist, the more I see it as a fit. However there is a time and a place for these kinds of discussions. It really didn’t fit into the lighthearted feeling of the rest of it and it never really got expanded.
I’m not a fan of our current culture of praising mediocrity, because it does seriously reduce effort put in. Or that everyone can do anything they want as long as they try, because people are different and excel at different things. I can’t draw myself out of a box and that’s OK. I have a really good eye for photography, but my execution is…decent. I was a really good editor, but I didn’t have the personality for it. I’m too much of an introvert to be constantly networking with people I have little in common with. The majority of the work is contract based and the constant looking for a job was really frustrating. Then I fucked up my wrist. No more motion graphics = death of an editor.
I met up with the ekf guys again for a bit until I had to run off to another panel. This post is already a wall of text so, I’m going to leave it at that.
Sunday:
Chicago Exists! The Games Industry in Chicago
This was an extremely positive experience. While there isn’t all that much of a big industry in Chicago, supposedly the community is really good less about competition. More open and helpful.
They talked quite a bit about IDGA Chicago and that it is open to students. Another was brought up called indie city games. I was going to ask when students should be getting involved, but from everything else they said it seemed like the answer was right away. But… I can’t make even make something other than text come up on the screen. Complex algorithms? Sure. Data structures of c++? Yep. I wrote a ray tracing renderer in the fall, but not how to use it. Yeah. That makes no sense to me either. Basically we did the math/computational geometry/etc for it to show up on screen but not the show up on screen part.
I guess it’s time to put the excuses away and just start showing up to meetings and talking to people.
final thoughts:
I bought a lot of geek art and that was worth it alone. I also have a bit more of a direction to focus on other than just the classes and assignments. Now I really can’t wait for PAX Prime in the fall.
June 1st, 2012 at 4:02 pm
Hi! I’m actually the woman who organized the geek girl discussion panel. First, thanks for attending, I’m glad that you made the effort to come to the panel despite it being scheduled for after the convention floor closed.
I appreciate the criticism. This is the first time that I personally have ever run a panel before and it was a first-time panel participation for many of the speakers up there as well. The reason we did this panel is because being women and being geeks are extremely important aspects of our lives and personalities and of course, feminism and concerns of sexism are unavoidable in these sort of discussions. For instance, when one of the speakers brought up her negative experiences as a woman playing Magic: The Gathering in a tournament setting, I wish we’d had time to delve into that further. I think in retrospect, the discussion itself was a bit too general in scope and for future panels, narrowing the focus might help to dig into the issues you brought up, because I wanted to talk about that more, too.
I would like to do more panels along these lines because like you, I think that these discussions are extremely necessary within geek culture and it at last seems like geek culture is actually ready and eager to have them – or maybe we’re just more willing to actually press the issue. In either case, I appreciate your thoughts about wishing we’d pushed the envelope more to discuss the less positive parts of being a geek and being a woman (I was afraid that hour would be hard to fill and it went by far quicker than I expected!) and when we try this again – and we will – we’ll hopefully be able to push discussion of those issues more to the forefront.
June 1st, 2012 at 5:28 pm
Thanks for your review of C2E2. I was actually one of the panelists on the Geek Girl Artist panel, and you bring up some valid criticisms – but it’s interesting, we actually had no intention to “keep things positive.” If you thought it was a largely positive panel, that’s great, but it was not so by design. I actually spent a few minutes specifically talking about fake geeks and the assumption I’m always facing that I’m one (remember the whole conversation about someone on the floor assuming that I had just borrowed my speaker badge?). But ultimately, what prevented us from covering topics as well as we would have liked was time. We all recognized this after the panel was done (somehow going half an hour over our time slot was still not enough!) and have been talking about ways to continue the discussion. You might be encouraged to know that all of us are generally pretty snarky people who started the panel because we were frustrated at how geek culture has treated women (even though yes, it does occasionally give us some perks as well). I think in the end the panel was Geek Girl Artist 101 – a brief overview of some topics, but course 201 is next.
Best,
Dawn
June 1st, 2012 at 11:56 pm
Hi Ladies! Thank you for your responses! Also thank you for the panel, I did very much enjoy it and I do hope you continue with it. It’s an important topic that definitely does need to continue. Even with the time constraints. I still do think with the venue, keeping it positive is better.
In my attempt to keep the post short and minimize showing my frustration of the topic, it might have came across as more critical of the panel than I intended. It brought up a lot of issues and thoughts that at the time of writing hadn’t fully settled down. I should have probably waited until I was no longer grr grumble grumble snark!
One point I’d like to clarify. What I meant by glossing over the negative was that the stories were told with humour. It’s what we all do. If we don’t laugh it off, it will become too much. Plus if we treat it as the serious issue it really is, the message is lost in a sea of being yet another crazy, bitchy, emo, feminist, overreacting, etc woman. In addition to all that, if we don’t play along and laugh it off we are thought of as weak.
That’s defiantly not specific to your panel. At PAX there is one just on sexual harassment in the gaming community and it’s the same thing.
I’m just frustrated. Frustrated that in some aspects it’s gotten better, while others have gotten worse. Being a geek is more generally accepting, but it seems now we have to prove ourselves more so than we did before. In MMOs you had to prove your worth in fighting, but now you also have to prove you aren’t looking for attention and/or loot. In the 10 years I’ve been playing MMOs, the sexual harassment hasn’t gotten better even as more women play. Luckily I’m not a fan of FPS games. And the list just goes on.
I’m frustrated that there isn’t a venue (that I’ve found) where we can get serious about the topic and have the time needed. My university has a couple of groups for women in computing and digital media, but the meetings are at 4:30 and I work until 5. Also that’s not exactly geek specific. Maybe once I no longer have a roommate that needs the bathroom for 2 hours every morning I’ll be able to get to work early enough to go. Or perhaps I’ll find some time and make a meetup group, add another sub domain to this site or something.
June 4th, 2012 at 6:02 pm
I hear your frustration about finding safe spaces to have those more serious discussions. It’s difficult, and not a little intimidating, because of the level of pushback that rears its ugly, sexist head whenever we try to have those conversations in which we dig into the meat of the matter, so to speak. It seems much of the time like we’re stuck in “101″ mode when at this point, it shouldn’t have to be argued that sexism exists in geek culture (much less the culture in general) anymore, although it still seems like that’s where the majority of our efforts tend to go to, rather than having those more in-depth conversations that depend on the understanding and acceptance that this crap happens to begin with.
I’m not sure if you’re aware of Geek Girl Con? It’s in it’s 2nd year and it looks like an amazing venue. Their panel schedule last year looked fantastic – this year’s isn’t up yet, but I’m guessing it’ll be similarly impressive. http://www.geekgirlcon.com/ I wish I could go this year, but due to previously scheduled commitments I can’t. Sigh.
June 6th, 2012 at 4:52 am
After I last commented, I spent the rest of the day doing a more in depth search for a Chicago geek girl community that were having those discussions and I came up empty. The closest I could find was a meetup group in the burbs that mostly went to see films. Everything else was either out of state or the last event was over a year ago. As for online, it seems to be badly fractured pockets of articles, blogs, and random oddities. Highly disappointing. Tried again tonight and still nothing.
I have a couple ideas brewing that I could test over the summer, but I’m still uncertain of time commitments. I should be spending the summer coding.
You’re right, it shouldn’t have to be argued anymore that it exists. I may be slightly influenced by a book on manipulation that I just finished, but that’s a loosing battle when we are met with minimization, selective attention, denial, rationalization, intimidation, feigning innocence, feigning ignorance, diversion, blame and shame. When we should be standing our ground, uniting and coming up with solutions. At the very least a solution for a safe zone and support especially for the new girls.
I am aware of Geek Girl Con. It’s 2 weeks before PAX which is too short to fly back and forth and too long to stay. At least for my student salary. It’d be lovely to go, stay for PAX dev and then for prime. Instead I’ll be at Wizard World that weekend.
May 2nd, 2013 at 1:33 am
Hi, Luthi. I know it’s been about a year since you posted this, but I thought you’d like to know: I organized another panel at C2E2 this year (which Dawn was on as well and I took part in as a speaker this time), called “Exorcising the Spectre of the Fake Geek Girl: Discussing geek culture, gate-keeping and sexism.” Our goal was to deconstruct the stupidity of the fake geek girl idea in light of the internet blow up over it last year (quite shortly after C2E2 2012 actually), demonstrating it as a sexist form of gatekeeping engaged in by even women geeks, and that it needed to stop.
Amazingly, even though we were scheduled for Sunday at noon on the last day of the con, when we arrived at our room 30min before the scheduled start time, there was a line so far down the hall it turned out we could have filled our assigned room 2x over. Over half the people who came to the panel had to be turned away because there wasn’t enough room. The atmosphere was very supportive, the questions were good and given the amount of disappointment expressed by con attendees that the room was too small for this topic, I think at C2E2 at least, there’s been an improvement somewhat in the amount of willingness to tackles these issues head on and more support for people (especially women) who are speaking out about the need for safe spaces and inclusiveness.
The Chicago Nerd Social Club (CNSC) – for which I’m one of the core organizers – is also committed to creating a safe, open & welcoming environment for geeks from all corners. We’ve gotten a lot of good response because of that.
I thought you’d like to know because it’s in part due to your comment about wishing our panel had gone more in depth into the problems women face in geek spaces that I wanted to pull this panel together – seeing the blow up over the ‘net regarding the fake geek girl meme and so forth just clinched it. Given the overwhelmingly supportive responses we’ve had, we’re hoping to continue the dialog at other local cons and possibly by doing a regular “women’s perspectives in geek culture” segment on our own CNSC podcast. And the inclusive model of geekdom is something that I’m pushing pretty hard on my own blog.
We recorded the whole podcast on video that will be included in its entirety, along with interviews with the panelists & audience members – it’ll be up on the CNSC website in a couple of weeks. But in the meantime, if you’d like, you can listen to the audio of the panel posted by Bleeding Cool – apparently they recorded it and included it in their selection of C2E2 panels worth mentioning. http://www.bleedingcool.com/2013/05/01/c2e2-panels-in-audio-carol-tilley-mark-waid-john-layman-rob-guillory-and-more/
Also, we recorded an hour long podcast interview with CNSC, expanding on some of the themes we hit in the panel: http://www.chicagonerds.com/fake-geek-girl-panel/
I don’t know if you were at C2E2 this year, but I’d like to thank you for providing this bit of inspiration. I hope that you enjoy the discussions and that you’re doing well.
May 2nd, 2013 at 2:30 am
Thank you for the update!
I was at C2E2 again this year, mostly helping out in the board game room. By the time I got to your panel, it was already full! There was even a line of people waiting for other people to leave!
Thanks for the links. I look forward to listening to them tomorrow.